Players Want Sex without Commitment

Understanding this fact and responding to it the right way is the ultimate key to being “playa-proof.”  Commitment means: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled (Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online).  The problem with commitment for just about every player is that they are often quite willing to say they are committed to you (which is their bait to lure you, get you to lower your defenses, and hook your heart), but rarely will they do anything you can see that proves it. 

Playa-Point #1: A player focuses on your sexual organs, and not your heart. 

A player is driven to have sex, and often he is willing to lie, act good-mannered, and make empty promises to obtain it.  Make no mistake; he is a hunter.  To him, you are not the beautiful, interesting, wonderfully complex, capable, and dazzling woman that you are; you are prey.  I am not trying to be rude, but I feel that there are many women who need to be shaken out of the idea that just because their guy is “dashing,” says all the right things, makes their heart beat a bit faster, and seems to have everything together, doesn’t mean he’s not a player.  How do I know?  I used to be that guy.  I’m not proud of this at all, and I find my past behavior disgusting, but I feel girl kind needs to know that a guy being “cute and nice” is just not enough.  If you want to really protect your heart, body, and soul, which this blog is about, then I urge you to set a higher standard. 

My personal view is that the most “playa-proof” woman is secure, confident and productive and has made an informed decision to abstain from sexual activity until marriage.  Why do I say this?  Because this is exactly the kind of woman I would avoid in my player days. Her patience, self-value, and high standards I knew would require too much of me, so I moved on to “easier” prey: women overly thirsty for romance, who will trade sex for love, have no clear sexual boundaries, and “need” a man.  Again, I’m not trying to be rude, but if I don’t talk about these things as they are, then some young women might not take seriously the risk, and get hooked.  

Playa-Point #2: A player will often look to exploit any inch of sexual freedom you give him and eventually try to go the whole mile, hence the need for a high standard. 

I’m not saying that he’ll ignore a firm “no” (though unfortunately this does happen), but a player often looks at your sexual responsiveness as an invitation and as an opportunity to go for more.  Don’t be fooled by the “harmless” massage or the romantic evening alone with his arms around you watching a movie.  An experienced player is always calculating and looking for a way to sexually arouse you without appearing to do so intentionally.  That way, he can keep his cover as a “gentleman” who simply wants to enjoy you and share a bit of closeness.  He knows that your sexual arousal plus his “gentlemanly” nature will more often than not lead to sex.

If a man is not willing or not ready to commit to you fully, and by that I mean marriage, but he still wants a sexual relationship, then regardless of whether he is a player or not, he is using you.  He might even have “good” intentions, but the bottom line is that something is holding him back.  And if he is holding back, then you should too.

The thing about marriage and the process leading to it is that you can observe some things that can help you determine his commitment level and readiness:

 

• A ring
• Does he have a job and can he keep it?
• Can his income support your basic food, transportation, shelter, and clothing needs if you were to be married? (Because the fact of the matter is if you get pregnant, then you’re the one likely to take time off work, and not him.) 
• Does he suggest any pre-martial counseling and then follow through with it?
• Does he have a plan for your future together involving children if you desire them?
• Does he have a track record for being selfless and respectful toward you, even after disagreements? 
• Saying, “I do” and entering into a legally binding agreement for life.

You see, marriage to the mature and responsible is not just a piece of paper.  It represents quite a bit more.  If done the right way, it symbolizes one, if not the greatest of human commitments.  It requires a huge investment from your guy.  It’s very rare that you would run into a player who is willing to fake his way to marriage just so he can have sex with you.  However, if you give yourself to him before he says “I do,” then you do so at your own risk.  Once you’ve had sex, it’s done.  You cannot take it back.  It’s his.  If he then turns his back on you and walks away to fulfill his next conquest, then you will be crushed in ways you can’t imagine.  It’s devastating and I want to help protect you from this.

Now, some of you may call this old-fashioned or unrealistic, but I assure you that it is not.  There are women (virgins and non-virgins alike) practicing this standard everyday who are limiting their scars and are now experiencing great benefits in their single and married lives.  Does it guarantee relationship success?  Of course not, but it dramatically increases your chances.  Is it hard to do in today’s sex-pressured society?  Yes it is, but for women who truly want to protect themselves from players, the discipline involved is far outweighed by the rewards.  Plus in doing so, you get the added benefit of attracting the right guy.  I assure you, he is out there looking for a woman just like you :) 

Set your standard at the highest and expect the best.  You are definitely worth it.

Marius