Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Question from Monticello, MN

Not necessarily.  A cheater can change, but it’s not easy.  Once a guy has developed a cheating habit, it can be extremely difficult to quit.  Why?  Because a man not only cheats with his body, but also with his eyes and with his mind.   

Ladies, don’t ever let a man tell you that looking at other women does not affect how he thinks about you.  He might even think this is true, but it is not.  First of all, it’s absolutely normal for a man to notice a beautiful woman.  It’s how he is wired.  You should not rip him for that anymore than we should rip a woman’s natural need to want to communicate.  However, we both have the ability to control ourselves in these areas and not overdo it.

Guys run into problems when we take that second look, or when we allow our eyes to linger.  Every time we do this, our girlfriends/wives become a little less attractive to us and we begin to become dissatisfied.  It’s because we’re allowing competition into our mental storage space.  That is why pornography is so toxic to relationships.  If your guy is into this and refuses to part with it…run.  He will torture your heart.  You will consistently feel inadequate as you’re forced to measure up to literally hundreds and thousands of digitally-altered nude images.  You cannot win this battle. Your guy has taken a huge step if he is willing to part with this habit, control his eyes and keep his focus on you, and be held accountable by other healthy men in this area.  That is the kind of guy you want to keep, but be sure he’s changing for the right reasons and not only for you or his “conversion” may not last for long. 

You want a “one-woman” man who believes in his heart that being faithful is not just a matter of the body, but also of the eyes and mind…and then lives it out.

Stay “playa-proof” sister!

Marius