The Importance of Allies

Have you ever hid a relationship from someone close to you because you’re afraid of what they might say?  This could be a wise friend, parent, boss, or even a mentor.  It really doesn’t matter what the title is; it is simply a person in your life who cares and has the experience to know if the guy you’re dating is a loser, or worse, a player. 

It’s sad to see young women lie to good people in their lives to protect a relationship that is going nowhere, is abusive, or hurtful.  But when emotions are involved, such things can be difficult for a young woman to see.  They might think:

• I can’t let this guy go.  I might not meet someone else.
• He’s not that bad, is he?  At least he’s got a nice job.
• He’s never met someone like me before.  He’ll change now that we’re together.

Of course, this is not an all-inclusive list, but it does represent some of the more common reasons I hear for women staying in unhealthy relationships.  It makes life incredibly easy for players.  In fact, he’s banking on the fact that you think this way.  Insecurity, focusing on his external characteristics (car, clothes, hair, job, etc.), and the illusion of control (you won’t change him) put you at risk.  This is where allies become so important.

An ally is a person who has your best interests at heart.  They are not afraid to confront you about poor choices because they see your worth and don’t want you to settle for less.  For allies, it’s not about what you can do for them, but what positive contribution they can add to your life.  If you don’t have an ally (I recommend that you have three or four), it is absolutely critical to your dating health to have one.  Even with the best intentions, your emotions can be blinding and cause you to make wrong choices.  Allies won’t allow you to do that without warning you.  That’s why if you’re serious about a guy, you should make sure he meets them.  They’ll ask the right questions, and you can see how he responds. 

I heard a speaker say, “If the only person who thinks your guy is great is you, then you have a big problem.”  For your safety, listen to what your allies have to say.  Think objectively, and don’t let your emotions unnecessarily put your heart in harm’s way. 

Stay “playa-proof” sister!

Marius