Naila is in her late 20's; in her own journey has become passionate on women not settling, but rather demanding the best out of themselves--knowing their worth and who they are so that they can enter the 'right' relationship. Here are some of her insights on today’s topic.
*How would you define being a productive woman?
Being a productive woman is dependent on being a confident one. Knowing who you are and believing in your value provides clarity on your purpose. And once you know your purpose, you should be productive on the things that bring that into being. Without an awareness of who you are, you have no vision and without a vision your productivity is in vain. *How can being productive protect you from a destructive relationship?
Being protected from a destructive relationship is knowing the following: Good results are the direct result of productivity. This is extremely important to keep in mind because busyness and productivity are not the same thing. Both busyness and productivity occupy one’s time; however, if what we are doing does not produce good results, we may be busy, but we certainly are not productive. Productive means “producing readily or abundantly.” Busyness means “lively but meaningless activity.” Take note of the big difference--abundant vs. meaningless. Pay close attention if a man says that he is productive. First see if there are evidences of good results in his life and if so, observe if these good results are directly related to his daily habits and what he is doing. If there is no obvious link, then be careful.
*Do you think being a productive woman helps attract the right guy?
When a woman is being productive towards fulfilling her purpose, she automatically begins the process of elimination. She is clear in knowing where she needs to be and to whom she needs to be connected. It is a domino effect…being confident (knowing who you are and believing in your value) = knowing your purpose and being intentionally productive towards it = filtering out the busy men from the productive ones (who are on purpose just like her) = connecting with the right productive man whose vision is compatible with hers.
In ending, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask him: What are your goals? What are you doing to get there? When do you want to get there? You don’t want to end up with a busy man (or worse a lazy man) who has no vision. That...will lead to a relationship of aimless wandering. Any man who has a clear vision and a plan will be able to answer without hesitation. That’s the man you want.
Thank you, Naila. I think this is right on. A productive woman can be extremely intimidating to a player. Productive women are so focused that it is hard to knock them off-track. The vision piece is very important. If you don’t have a set course or planned destination for your life, then how will you know if a relationship is either taking you off-track or helping you to get there faster?
I really like your point regarding busyness vs. productivity. As a man, I can say that often we are not taught this difference. If you find yourself to be with a busy man, don’t necessarily count him out. There can be a huge difference between the man who is busy and the man who refuses to do anything. Ask him those questions that Naila mentioned and watch carefully how he responds. It will tell you a lot about his drive and his character.
Lastly, there is something to be said for this automatic process of elimination. My sweetie did the same thing as she observed me from afar for a year. Though she was interested, she didn’t let on but just went about being productive, checking for good results in my life, and filtering out the other gents who would come her way until she ultimately became most attracted to me. She trusted that if we were going to be a good match, it would occur to me too and that I would pursue, which I did :)
I don’t think a productive woman needs to put herself “out there” and be aggressive. That could turn the right guy away. She will draw him if she is consistent with her standards and remains productive. It may take time, but patience will likely have the desired effect. Use your singleness as a time to create your own good results. Productivity is incredibly attractive to the right guy. Good men don’t want to baby-sit or be a meal-ticket anymore than you do. They simply want a woman they can take care of, not because she needs them to, but because they respect her for her ability to handle life on her own.
You are “playa-proof” sister!
Marius
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